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Death & Living


Over the weekend, my grandfather passed away. He was a really beautiful soul with an infectious smile. He was always good for a laugh or story from "back when...". 


His father owned a dairy farm & milk delivery service called WJ Payne & Sons. (If you ever see old glass milk bottles that say that, scoop them up!) After marrying my grandmother, he would later buy that farm, only to sell it and build a new house a couple hundred yards from my parents when I was 2 years old.


I biked the dirt driveway that connected our properties thousands of times. I learned to iron on his handkerchiefs, and sew on the ragged ones. He taught me to play checkers on a board my grandmother made. I thought he was cool because he had so many tools in his garage & actually knew how to use them. And, that old rotary phone in the basement he let me play with was awesome!


When I hurt myself attempting crazier things, he'd just pick me up and hold me on his lap until I stopped crying. Then, he urged me to get back to business playing because that's what you do- you keep going.


I'm used to being on the other side of the grieving process. I often see people who need to relax and reconnect with themselves because they are grieving the loss of a loved one. I have not been on this side of the equation since massage became a huge part of my life.


I stopped writing my blogs because I didn't think I had anything pertinent to write. Sitting down & forcing myself to come up with something proved useless. I only have 2 to go for the 31 Day Challenge, yet all I could think of was death, sadness and remembrance. I didn't think you'd care to hear about it.


Death is inevitable. We cannot live without dying. We share this, but we don't talk much about it. I am going to die and so are you. It could happen tomorrow, next year, or in fifty years, but the truth is, it's going to happen. Does that scare you? How do you feel about it?


I am no longer afraid to die. I'm more afraid to live a life that does not have purpose or meaning to it. When your life is filled with service to others, it is just that- filling. You feel so good and full of loving energy when you help others. I saw this with my grandfather in the fire company & I saw it with my dad as a police officer- service to others is your duty in life, be it paid or not.


I beg you, if you do not feel fulfilled in your life, please find a way to be of service to others in need. When you are gone, how do you want to be remembered? Start living in accordance to that right now. Not tomorrow, NOW.


When I die, this is the song I want played at my funeral. I want to be remembered for touching your life and many others. As the song lyrics go,


 I want to say I lived each day, until I died
And know that I meant something in, somebody's life
The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave
That I made a difference, and this world will see

I was here
I lived, I loved
I was here
I did, I've done everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know

I was here

I just want them to know
That I gave my all, did my best
Brought someone some happiness
Left this world a little better just because

I was here



It's time to start living because one day, you're going to go too, but your legacy will live on.


Rest in peace Grandpa Payne, I love you.


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